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| Muniya October 29, 2004 05:03 PM PDT  I dont find time these days. I am busy since i retired from my service!! | ||
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| Rationale October 27, 2004 08:44 AM PDT  Muniya, you there? How come you dont write up anymore on anything? | ||
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| Name October 9, 2004 05:13 PM PDT More opinions requested. Seems the debate has ended without conbclusions | ||
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| muniya June 7, 2004 07:09 AM PDT I am surprised as to why you say that I can’t understand the youngster’s point of view. You have presumed I am an Oldie. . I may be an 18-year-old girl doing her 3rd semester in Biotechnology in Tamilnadu. There is absolutely no problem in the boy/girl marrying the Girl/boy he/she loves. But why the secrecy? Knightrider say parents don’t know about their kids. Rationale does not agree that in earlier generation parent knew their children better. Now you say youngsters do not tell the parents in earlier stages. My point is why is it that we youngsters do not tell our parents about our friend circles and the boy/girl we are dating.. Present day parents will agree as long as the relations are healthy and the persons with whom we are having friendship are decent. As we start liking the person and intend to get married we can take the opinion of parents too., since anyhow one day we are going to drop the bombshell. Why not earlier, so that effect will be less and involve them in the selection process. parents do not ridicule without any reason. They may bring out the plus and minuses of the person concerned. In the process of arranged marriages too the boy or girl may ridicule the girl or boy the parents selected. Everyone has right for his or her opinion-Right? Rationale.__Yes every rule has an exception. I was only generalizing. A small % of parents in earlier generation might not have known well about their kids and vice a versa. Teens being rationale!! That’s a big joke! Just because one keeps a pen name as rationale he or she cant be rationale unless she becomes matured by experience, which can be gained by years of experience. We all know parents are worried about their children’s education, career, and marriage. When we seek their opinion and help in all above matters including selection of dress and footwear why is it we youngsters keep them blind regarding our boy / girl friends? And inform about our intention of getting married to so and so and seek their permission when the person and their family are total strangers?? / On your other posting my dear rationale I would like to say parents and in-laws go through in detail about the boy/girl like an auditor go through the accounts only to find faults. The idea is having known all minuses still we are going ahead so that one does not regret later saying he/she didn’t know this aspect. That’s w why my pleading of the case that selection of the bride/ bridegroom is to be done by the family and not by immature teenagers with an exception like rational teenagers. | ||
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| muniya June 5, 2004 11:36 PM PDT Teenage is between thirteen and nineteen. This is the age when children generally revolt against parents. They think they know everything. They discuss among friends as to how irrational their parents are because they do not allow her to go to a party all through the night and they do not allow the type of dress they intend to wear and so on. They differ on most of the issues and the communication gets reduced .The teenagers feel that they are being questioned/quizzed on all matters and try to avoid giving information to parents. In this age they get attracted to opposite sex and make an all important decision of getting married- sometime with a vengeance to avoid arranged marriage or to hurt the parents-they select a person knowing fully well the parents will not accept. Rationale-While the major characteristics are scrutinized at the time of marriage of Son/Daughter-in-laws, and the person selected minor issues will continue to be discussed. It happens with Sons/daughters and children are also discussing Parents weaknesses. Nothing unusual. –Because there is a scope for improvement. Regarding Maturity it is a law that one will mature with age and experience. An important decision like marriage should be discussed with parents because they are the persons next to the individual concerned have the interest of their offspring getting right partner. Rationale- I may concede that some mentally dear ranged persons or too old parents may become stubborn or irrational. If you have right points you can always get across your views. May be I am a teen with a matured mind!!! | ||
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| Road Runner June 5, 2004 09:12 PM PDT I have just one question for Muniya. Could you please define the age range of a "teen". What according to you is a mature age? | ||
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| Rationale June 5, 2004 09:05 PM PDT Muniya, U say parents/in laws go thry EVERY details BEFORE marriage. So how come they keep scrutinising the son/daughter in law to no end even say 4 years into the marriage? Yes, I agree it maybe with good intentions but the fact remains that whether it is the parents or the children who have chosen the relationship it STILL happens. :) Amusing, thats all. I do not argue with parents intentions on this point. | ||
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| Rationale June 5, 2004 08:56 PM PDT Oh I agree that having a pen name as Rationale doesnt mean we are rational! :) BUT... Age is not proportional to how (un)wise or (ir)rational a person is. Infact, I could go a step further since it is often said that our 'wise' elders can more often than not be stubborn and irrational. (I hope I am not creating a fire with all the elder people reading this blog) No offense meant. I just want to re initiate the fact that some of the kids now a days who are brought up well, certainly do mature in mind faster than the kids of previous generations. And with this maturity comes the will and need to make independent decisions which sometime lead to a little friction with the parents. I think this is what you construe as lack of communication among kids and parents today. Parents who infact understand that their kids are of a different generation and the media and culture today are a lot different from what thay (the parents) grew up in, are the ones who end up having a good healthy relationship with their children and as a result bring up rational people. Muniya, I think most of us here on the blog have guessed that you are older than a teen anyway! :) You have given us numerous clues and hints to that effect... | ||
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| Rationale June 5, 2004 06:50 PM PDT On the lighter side, I just had a funny thought. Dont the parents or 'in-laws' go ahead and 'look-for' negative points in the boy/girl anyway? (whether it is arranged or love marriages) It maybe that they r just worried for their children's happiness but still... something amusing to think about!:) | ||
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| Rationale June 5, 2004 02:31 PM PDT Well, Muniya & Kitty you both have your reasons to support your views. But the essence is that both of you are from different generations and hence the opinion mismatch. Muniya, I am sure not all the parents in olden days knew their kids better and its not that all parents do not know their kids now. That is not a valid assumption to make. It is all just upto how the kid was brought up. I think in many families now parents are close to their kids, in the sense the kids in their teens & post teens are not treated as immature people anymore. Their views are respected and if wrong can always be corrected in a rational way. This rational discussion is also a byprodut of how the kids are brought up in the early stages of life. Now if a child doesnt tell his/her parent about someone they are gettting to know and eventually drop the 'bombshell' it is only because A)They really care about their parents and dont want them to worry or B) They are actually scared of their parents and dont want to face the "music" untl they HAVE to!:) | ||
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| kitty June 5, 2004 10:59 AM PDT I can try and understand your point of view and it will be very difficult for you to understand the youngster's point of view. The reason why they dont tell you that they are interested in marrying that perticulr person is because they dont want to hassle you when they themselves are not sure of getting married that minute. If you were open to the idea of dating (more like getting to know the person you are thinking about marrying), there would be no bomb dropped. There is no problem in the boy wanting to marry the girl he loves. If he doesnt find such a girl, the parents can intervene. The children also go through a lot when their partner is ridiculed by the parents and when the parents don't agree easily. | ||
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| muniya June 4, 2004 11:18 PM PDT hi ratioale I strongly believe in earlier days the parents knew their children bettar than present days. children used to spend more time with parents and uncles and aunts. in joint families all elders used to mould the character of the youngster. and all the members knew them well and used to exchange notes. nowadays since children dont have time for elders because they are busy with their carreers and with friends more than relatives there are many charecteristics of children are blind to the parents and elders of the family.Many children drop a bombshell by saying they would like to get married to so and so and they are in touch with each other for one year or so and the parents dont have a clue at all regarding the existance of such a person.Really parents go through hell to consent in such cases. | ||
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| Rationale June 4, 2004 07:53 PM PDT Hi Road runner. Well, I dont have a personal blog yet. But am seriously thinking about it :) Muniya is doing a good job! | ||
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| Rationale June 4, 2004 07:50 PM PDT Well, Muniya something that caught my eye immediately is that you think parents knew their children better in previous generations? I dont agree to this. What about in families which had more than 4 children. And then again some joint families where the kids hardly get to spend "quality" time with the parents. Its all a case whether the parents have taken the time or had the time to get to know their kids. Then and now. | ||
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| muniya June 4, 2004 06:26 PM PDT Well. Well-- U guy don’t want to delete Kitty, roadrunner, and rationale want muniyas views. Ok .U guys need my Views. So be it! I will limit my views to Rejoinder or concurrence to views expressed. Kitty advocates Love marriage and must have gone through one and may not be having regrets as of now, As long he is happy its ok.. Patrix must be busy and take some time before reacting To knight rider Normally we were receding one-liners from knight rider. But this time whew –he has got so much to say and that too so vehemently. May be a candidate for getting married and seems to be desperate. Surprising when u say arranged marriages are about looks!! So many arranged marriages in India. Do u think all are beautiful and handsome? No way-In earlier days the eldest in the family would have promised the eldest of othert family that the girl/boy will marry the boy/girl of the other family even when te Boy?girl are very young. So where is the question of loks and earning capacity etc?The understaning was that youngsters will inherit the qualities of that family like Integrity, Diligence, moral values., humility, generosity, god fearing etc,In the earlier days the children used to follow the advise of the elders in the family to a great extent and hence this logic of inheritance used to work out to a great extent. Hey what did u say??!! If looks are not good enough- no need to further check.- u mean good looks is of paramount importance for selecting the partner??!!Good looks are important for selecting a heroine for a film! Even for Miss world and Miss universe they say looks are not important –The inner beauty is important. Lets get this straight. When one wants to get along with a life partner for years under 4 walls and a roof, Its absolutely necessary a spirit of understanding- a give and take philosophy, good nature and moral values are important as enumerated. Yes you have asked how is this checked. Yeah the characteristics of the family and that of girl/boy? Asking Cousins, aunts and uncles, neighbors etc. who know the family for 20 years or so,.. More the opinions, quality of decision will be better. They say” two brains are better than one!!”In case of a love marriage the selection is by impulse of one individual in late teens or early twenties when the individual is not matured!!! They select the partner in impulse and in a hurry and regret later!!!! You say the parents themselves may not know about kids-forget about aunts. Yeah. Nowadays the communication between parents and sons/daughters has reduced .As they grow the children think they know everthing and since the views are different and to avoid arguments both sides give up the discussions and each will not be knowing the needs of the other. While this is a fact it is a dangerous trend because at the time of need its parents for kids and kids for parents,, .. sometimes some uncles and aunts may know better about the these guys than parents because these uncles/aunts may give a patient hearing. Apart from the characteristics being inherited even from the medical angle the genetic factors play a great role in the health of the sons /daughters. In case of arranged marriages knowing the family one can know the medical history of the family too!!! Rationale and road runner seems to be diplomatic without offering any comments they are egging me to do so and then will pick up the irrationality in my statement. Ok I am game for it Your views please. | ||
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| Road Runner June 4, 2004 02:27 PM PDT Come on Muniya. This is unfair. Lets here what you have to say on these topics. Rationale, do you have a personal blog on related issues? | ||
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| Rationale June 4, 2004 01:26 PM PDT Muniya, there r a whole lot of things to discuss on this one. Would be better to hear your opinions on any one single aspect which would foster a more enlightening discussion! :D | ||
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| Rationale June 4, 2004 01:24 PM PDT "integrity, diligence,moral values humility, generosity" can be read as "appearance, confidence, realtives' opnions (which will ALWAYS be oh-so-sweet) and last but certainly not the least!.... monetary position"! But then again as KnightRider says, if you are in an arranged marriage, why not have someone rich, good looking etc. | ||
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| kitty June 4, 2004 11:22 AM PDT Well said knight rider. Arranged marriage goes for looks, salary of person. It is superficial. Its like buying a second hand car from someone. You like the car, you like the color..you can afford it. Voila..you buy it. If it doesnt give you any trouble, good for you- you hit the jackpot. If the car breaks down, you lose. You can either live with a faulty engine all your life or discard it and go for another one. I think each to his own, but personally I would prefer the love marriage..as i dont like gambling. But if you dont find the boy/girl of your dreams and you are born Indian..lo! You dont have to depair. you will get hooked. | ||
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| KnightRider June 4, 2004 11:04 AM PDT I would like to disagree with the first statment itself. I feel that the arranged marriages is all about the looks...What the hell if you are getting married to a stranger may as well get marrid to a beautiful/handsome one....More over if the guy/girl doesnt look "Good enough" there is no need if the background check...Ah the "background check"...Very Very important thing in an arranged marriage...How is it done??My cousins ..colleague's..neighbours aunt knows them very well..They are a "NICE" family...Hows the boy/girl?Well the family is nice so should the boy/girl.... Munyia talks about "vintegrity, diligence,moral values humility, generosity"..Well sometimes the boys/girls parents itself dont know about their own kids moral values etc,forget that aunt knowing about it...lgone are thoes days where you can say that the son/daughter are the chip of the old block. Well the article is sooo big..and would have enjoyed muniya's views more than other articles | ||
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| Patrix June 4, 2004 10:40 AM PDT Whew!!! thatz a long read.....wonder when i will finish reading it... | ||
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| kitty June 4, 2004 08:41 AM PDT No need to delete it. Let it be. Maybe having your thoughts in the subject would have been useful. But hopefully you find time soon. Old wine in old bottle- wah wah! Kya baat hai. | ||
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| muniya June 4, 2004 08:29 AM PDT Methinks its old woine in old bottle. Delete the Blog is an option unless Rationale can make some sense out of this and tke us up the garden path .and Knight rider was desparate for this subject. He/she must have also gone tru these arguments.Will wait for 12 hours and think of deleting | ||
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| kitty June 4, 2004 08:07 AM PDT Huge post. This topic have been raved and ranted to death. I HAVE HEARD IT ALL. There is no best arguement. Both are good. Both are bad. I rest my case..unless Rationale says something to stump me. | ||
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| kitty June 4, 2004 08:07 AM PDT Huge post. This topic have been raved and ranted to death. I HAVE HEARD IT ALL. There is no best arguement. Both are good. Both are bad. I rest my case..unless Rationale says something to stump me. | ||
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